Voices
by SmugBoi
Summary: To live a simple life is the most difficult task of all. Naruto didn't stay under the radar for long, and soon got trapped into a favor for a weird otaku. Now unknowingly a divine communer for the realms of Heaven, Naruto will have to embrace the hardships of life again or fight for his rest.
1. Chapter 1

Reflections did not always display the same thing.

Naruto saw a man who looked the same in the glass. The same hair, eyes. clothes — an identical appearance. Yet they _were_ not the same.

The man in the mirror was smiling.

Sure, Naruto started the day with a smile. A simple sign of being content, a sign to show that he was ready and willing to take on whatever the day had in store for him. But he was definitely not smiling now.

''Uzumaki! Stop dreaming and get to work!''

Naruto turned his head towards his fuming co-worker. ''Oh, I'm sorry. I feel like these windows make my eyebrows stand out more.''

The co-worker scoffed. ''You'll have enough time to oggle yourself once the job is done.''

Naruto slid down the wall, the water gliding alongside him like a waterfall. Cleaning windows was not the most amusing thing he had done in his life.

''Uzumaki,'' his co-worker said. ''The boss was wondering if you could fix a shipment of those shoes you have? Those sticky things are really handy for work.''

''Ah, yeah.'' Naruto walked down the wall, not bothering to turn his head. ''They're a very special and limited product. You know, since they stick to the surface and stuff? And I'd have to order them all the way from Angola. I'm sure the boss understands that.''

He did not bother with waiting for a reply. He slid down again, his body like a feather on the now clean glass. He sighed, his co-worker's words ringing through his mind. The sticky shoes were a petty excuse to use chakra, but it made work easier.

Every job he worked was equal to a D-rank mission, but at least the pay was better. His life was never in danger, he couldn't get hurt with these jobs. But as the ground came closer and closer, he realized what he was missing.

Adrenaline.

The feeling of the blood pumping through his veins as the inevitable danger of combat lurked around him. There were no threats of neighbouring villages, the Akatsuki or Bijuu here. There was no need for a hero. There was no need for him.

Naruto took another good look at his reflection, scrunching up his faces from every angle. No scars, no wounds, no gigantic holes in his head. Who would've thought that he — now a simple man who cleans windows — was once a fearsome fighter, a warrior, a murderer?

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The water washed over his other self once more. Was it trying to tell him something? Should he have changed himself? After a few moments of just staring at the water flowing down, clarity dawned on him.

''I guess it's all in the past now.''

''Eh, Uzumaki? What's in the past?''

''Oh you know, the past's in the past.''

''But _what_ is in the past?''

''The past.''

At this point, Naruto's co-worker was trying to pierce him with his glare.

''Uzumaki,'' the co-worker exhaled, ''just. Just get down already.''

Naruto grinned and slid down the building. If he couldn't save the world in this life, he could at least kill some time by goofing around.

* * *

The swings swung in the wind. There were no kids on this playground, and Naruto always liked to think that the wind played with the swing to keep them company. A toy could do nothing when no one would play with it, after all.

The town of Kuoh sunk into the setting sun, an orange glow covering the buildings. It was already late, but since it was summer the sun didn't set until late. Everyone was already at home, playing with their friends, spending time with their loved ones.

For Naruto, the trip back to the collapsing apartment he called home was the sweetest part of the evening.

He always took the route through the playground, no exceptions. Even if it would get him in trouble at work, seeing the children play without care upped his spirit on the way to whatever weird job awaited him that way. On the way back, the quietness and the swings calmed him after another long day of work.

Naruto sighed and threw his head back, basking in the glow of the setting sun. His work may have been shitty, his housing may have been sub-par, but there was absolutely nothing that could take away from his calming strolls through the playground.

''Shinobi-san!''

Well, there was one thing.

Naruto tried to turn on his heels as fast as possible. He had to run, he had to escape. But the towering figure with a rather peculiar choice in fashion was already in front of him.

''Shinobi-san! Shinobi-san!'' The man gushed and jumped around. ''How glad I am to come across you on this splendid evening!''

The corners of Naruto's mouth etched into a smile little by little. ''Hey, man… I take it you want some of my kunai and shuriken again?''

This man was what people in this strange land called an ''otaku''. More often than not obese and ugly men with an obsession for 2D women. They were often seen as the scum and outcasts of society, though their bonds of brotherhood were strong in their community, and Naruto could respect that. To some extent.

Naruto had seen this otaku many times before. He was always caught off guard, just when he expected to have some peace and quiet. The worst thing about this was that this otaku had a very strong interest in ninja and the likes.

Naruto sighed as he opened his backpack. If he had never dropped that old rusty shuriken a couple days ago, none of this would be happening.

''No, no. Shinobi-san.'' The otaku gripped Naruto by his shoulder. ''This time, I have come with a different request. One that a great warrior such as yourself would only be able to fulfill.''

''Look man, I already told you I'm bad at making scroll-''

''It is nothing Shinobi related,'' the otaku reassured Naruto. His grip on Naruto's shoulders tightened, and at this point it was making Naruto a bit tense in the shoulders.

Something was off about this man.

Sure, he dressed like an ordinary otaku, but Naruto knew something was off. This man did not look like an otaku. He was tall, well-built, and Naruto dared to say attractive. Not to say that there were no special cases, but Naruto concluded that there must've been something more than his hoodie with two breasts drawn upon them told him.

''I,'' the otaku started, ''am a man who holds a great burden. A duty I have to uphold. But not just any duty, a sacred duty at that!''

The otaku started shaking and gritting his teeth, and Naruto was considering to get some help.

''For many eons, I have performed my duty like a good man would. I have carried the burdens of many of my brothers. I don't hold any contempt towards He who gave me this duty, nor do I despise my duty. In fact, it is what I love the most in life! But, but…''

By now tears were streaming down the otaku's face.

''But now a once in a lifetime opportunity has showed up for me!'' he bawled. ''I have to do this, Shinobi-san! If I would not, I'd have to commit seppuku!''

Naruto did not know what that was, but it didn't sound good.

''Okay…'' Naruto was now gripping the otaku by his shoulders as well, a faint effort in calming him down. ''So what about this request?''

The otaku sobbed and stood upright, steeling himself. ''In order to chase my dream, I'd have to abandon my sacred duty, but I can simply not afford to do that. That's why I need a replacement for while I'm gone. And you, shinobi-san, might fight like a shinobi, but I'm sure you have the honor of a samurai!''

The otaku fell to his knees and slammed his head into the ground.

''So I beg of you, Shinobi-sa- no, Shinobi-sama! Please have pity on my sorry self, and assist me in the chase of my deepest desire!''

Naruto stared at the otaku. The only sound in the playground was the rustling of the swings.

''Sure.''

''I understand it is unreasonable! But- wait what.''

Naruto laughed and pulled the otaku up from the ground, patting him on the back. ''I'll help ya out. I know that feeling, when you just want to give up everything to chase your dreams.''

Naruto no longer saw an otaku, but a little boy who wanted to become Hokage.

''Shinobi-san…'' The otaku's tears were still falling from his face like a waterfall, and it looked like his body was suffering from an earthquake. He wiped his tears and stood upright once again.

''I am truly grateful. Now prepare yourself, Shinobi-san. I shall transfer my duty to you.''

Naruto nodded as the otaku took a few steps back. He started humming a simple tune. Naruto cocked his head to the side a bit. Was this some sort of weird otaku ritual.

Soon the humming became louder, and Naruto's body started getting hotter. The sky became a pure white, and the playground lit up in a dancing display of colors.

''Uh, what's going on?''

The otaku simply continued humming. Naruto blinked.

There were no wings on the otaku before, right?

The now winged otaku flew up in the air, spreading his arms wide. The colors continued their dance, now circling around Naruto.

'''I, Metatron, the voice of God, hereby grant you my power!''

Another small light appeared, this time coming from the otaku's mouth. It rushed towards Naruto, and forced itself into his throat. Naruto choked and fell to to the ground. The light surrounding the playground disappeared, the warmth was lost and the sky turned back to it's orange color.

''What the hell was that…'' Naruto groaned as he got up. He looked around, but the otaku was now gone. He had no idea what happened, but he knew that his throat was feeling a bit sore.

''Oh well,'' Naruto muttered to himself as he dusted his jacket off. He had seen worse after all. Hundreds of men getting torn to pieces by one demon, gigantic beasts facing off with each other, his village getting blown to pieces…

Naruto started whistling a tune as he continued on his way home. Thinking about it, he never got to know what the otaku's duty involved.

He shrugged. He'd figure it out on his own. What could possibly go wrong, right?

* * *

Anxiety always killed him.

Training, chunin exams, and now job interviews. It was not going to be hard, he knew it, but the shivers than sprinted all around his spine appeared again and again.

A position as janitor opened up at the local school. It was a full-time contract, and Naruto was tired of hopping from job to job, so something that promised a steady income was worth to look at.

The hall was empty, the only sounds around were coming from the office in front of Naruto and the classrooms in the distance. There was no one else applying for the job, so at least Naruto knew that he was guaranteed the job.

Or that was what he liked to think.

''Please enter.''

Naruto gulped and stood up from his seat. He marched towards the office door, like a soldier prepared to end his life for a lost cause.

He swung it open and stepped inside.

It was a typical office. It reminded him of Tsunade's office a bit, only with less sake bottles laying around. An older looking man was sitting behind the desk, staring right at Naruto.

''Naruto Uzumaki, reporting for duty!''

Once he did the mock salute, his heart stopped beating. It was a bad habit he had never gotten rid of.

The man behind the desk kept staring at Naruto, his mouth now open. Naruto cursed under his breath, he had not even started the interview and he already messed up.

Instead of getting told off, the man stood up, smiling like the sun.

''Such enthusiasm! Please, do sit down.''

This time it was Naruto's turn to stare at the man. He decided not to question it, and sat down.

The man started dancing around Naruto's seat, asking all types of questions except job related ones. ''Do you want some coffee? Tea perhaps? Maybe you'd fancy a massage?''

''Uh, no. I'm fine.''

After Naruto rejected his offers, the man sat down again, but his smile was still on his face.

''So, what can I help you with?'' the man asked.

Naruto had to stop his jaw from falling down. Was this guy in his right mind?

''I,'' Naruto started, making sure he'd put emphasis on every syllable, ''came here for the job.''

''You're hired.''

''What.''

''You heard me.'' The man kept smiling as he leaned back in his chair. ''From the moment I saw you I knew you were up for the job. In fact, I think a position as janitor would be unbecoming for you. You will be our new history teacher instead!''

Naruto jumped up from his chair, disbelief now evident on his face. ''What the hell, man! I didn't even answer any questions, and now you already want to make a teacher? Fuck, I don't even qualify to be a teacher!''

The man ignored Naruto's outburst, his smile still plastered on his face. ''I believe you can do it.'' The man stood up and grabbed a couple books and pushed them into Naruto's hands. ''You can start immediately. If there's anything you need, you can come to me. Maybe you'd like a raise?''

Silence ensued.

''A raise would be nice, yeah.''

* * *

This was not how it was supposed to be.

He was supposed to get tons of annoying questions, sceptical looks, and then get the job on a whim. He was supposed to feel relief, to embrace the feeling of his doubts being washed away. But now, his doubts had doubled.

''I'm not a fucking history teacher… Even if that dude hired me, once they see me teach the committee or whatever will fire me on the spot…''

Thoughts raced through Naruto's mind as he wobbled towards his classroom. There was no way this could turn out well. He would be humiliated by a bunch of pesky brats, get fired in the middle of a grand drama, and then he would become the joke of the town.

Naruto gritted his teeth. Maybe he should look into that seppuku thing the otaku mentioned?

"Well, here goes nothing.''

Naruto stepped into the classroom. The hour of judgement arrived.

The room was loud and messy. The students were all messing around and talking to each other. They all ignored his existence, as if he was not worth their time because he would be gone in a minute anyway.

Naruto steeled himself. Even if he was going to get fired, he wouldn't let a bunch of kids waltz over him.

''Attention students.''

It all happened in a second.

The classroom became silence itself, and all eyes were glued on him. No one talked, no one moved. Naruto shivered, this was getting too creepy.

There was something wrong, and there was only one way to find out what.

He didn't introduce himself. He grabbed a random book from the pile he was given, opened it up somewhere in the middle and started reading from it. If he didn't follow protocol and started doing stuff out of the blue, no one would take him seriously.

And yet they listened.

The students stared at Naruto, entranced by his words. He was the puppeteer, and they were the puppets. No questions asked. Naruto didn't even know what he was reading at this point, but the students wouldn't deverge their attention from him for a single second.

But there was one exception.

A red-haired girl. She wasn't giving Naruto her full attention unlike the others. She glared at him, and for some reason it didn't make Naruto uncomfortable in the slightest. In fact, it made him feel relieved. Was she the only semi-intelligent person around? Had she seen through his guise and realized that he was in fact not a teacher?

The bell rang, liberating Naruto from his shackles.

''Oh look how time flies!'' Naruto's laugh cracked a bit. ''I will see you guys next class!''

All students stood up in sync, mouthed a louth ''thank you'' and left the classroom. Naruto was at loss for words. He tried to leave the classroom after all the students were gone, but the door was shoved close right in front of his face.

''Sensei~''

Naruto realized that something worse than getting fired was about to happen.

He turned around, and the red-haired girl was still sitting in her seat. Now she was smiling, but not the good kind of smile. It reminded Naruto of Sai's smiles.

''Can I help you with something?'' Naruto asked as he tried to force his mouth into a smile.

The girl kept her Sai impersonation up. ''Yes, actually. I was just wondering why someone with so much holy energy would show up in my territory?''

''Holy what now.''

The girl slid off her chair and marched over towards Naruto. She pointed her finger at him and glared. Even though she was shorter than him, Naruto felt like she looked down on him. Or at least tried to. He didn't like that in the least.

''Don't play games with me,'' she hissed, '' I know you're here for a reason. Who sent you? The Vatican? The Protestants? Or are you taking orders directly from above?''

Naruto sighed and rubbed his temples. ''Look girl, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm just a washed up teacher-''

''Of course!'' The girl laughed. ''A teacher who likes to put all his students under his filthy spells. You better look out sensei, because your petty tricks don't work on me. I'll figure out what you're doing here, and I will bring you to justice!''

''Okay, listen.'' Naruto's voice started getting louder. ''I just wanted a damn job. I got it, but now I got some stuck-up bitch blabbering about some weird shit right in front of me, and that bothers me. So how about you take your talk, take a walk, and leave me the fuck alone.''

Naruto pushed the door instead of shoving it open, and it broke apart. He sprinted away, ignoring the looks from all the students. His blood was streaming faster, the sweat trickled down his brow and his heart was beating.

The adrenaline was back.

* * *

''Finally, a break well fucking deserved.''

Naruto dropped down on his matress. Today's events had taken a toll on him. First the otaku and his request, then the weird job interview and then the girl going off at him for absolutely nothing. He would end up quitting that jobs himself before they fired him.

He rolled around the bed a bit and stared at his apartment. It was a small studio with a bathroom and kitchen. It was the most he could afford at the moment, but he had promised himself that he would get a steady job and get himself out of this place.

As he kept lolling around on the bed, his hand landed on something. Naruto sat upright and saw a bunch of papers on the edge of his bed.

''What's this?''

The papers were stacked around each other neatly, and a small note was attached to them. Naruto took the note and started reading.

 _Most honorable Shinobi-san,_

 _I am deeply sorry for leaving you without any further explanation. My duty called, and I had to be quick if I wanted to start my pilgrimage on time. To help you out, I left you these papers. This is a guide meant to help you through upholding my duty while I'm gone. Most of it should be easy to understand, and I hope it won't be much trouble for you. Again, thank you for helping me pursue my dreams._

Yours sincerely,

 _Metatron_

''So his name's Metatron, huh…'' Naruto muttered as he took the guide. It contained more pages than he had expected, so that meant this ''duty'' was a bit more complicated than Naruto first thought.

Metatron's handwriting was neat and streamlined, so at least he would have no problem with reading it. A title shined upon the first page of the guide, written in sparkling gold ink. Naruto squinted his eyes to read what it said.

''A guide to being the voice of God?''

* * *

 **Well, first story published, so yay I guess. If you actually read the story, you may have a vague idea of what Naruto is up to. This will be romance/humor, nothing too serious except for a couple bits. For god's sake, no, it won't be a harem. There might be feelings brewing between multiple characters, but no harems. Also, please don't spam me with questions about Naruto's power level and the likes. This isn't some dark neglect fic where he's gonna go around and one-shot everybody, so it doesn't matter honestly. I also didn't really edit this, apologies for that and any annoying typos you might see while reading. Anyways, please let me know what you think and I hope you have an otherwise splendid day.**


	2. Chapter 2

Voice of God?

Naruto rushed through the pages of the guide, quicker than the wind. This books was either very old, or Metatron had done some _very_ nasty things with it. The paper had a yellow tint to it, most pages were crumbled up and the strange decrepit runes in between the text didn't make it much better. With each turn of a page, the paper shook, almost like it could fall apart every second. Everything started to come together.

''Oh, this must be what they call 'roleplaying'.''

.

A laugh escaped Naruto's lips. Of course, what else could it be? There wasn't an actual thing called the voice of God, it was something that existed in Metatron's otaku fantasies. Naruto scoffed. What would they tell him next? Metatron was an actual angel?

But a promise was a promise. Even if Metatron's so called sacred duty involved Naruto becoming an outcast of the Japanese society, he would.

''Well, let's take a look…'' Naruto flipped back to the first page. More runes and strange markings, though one part was written in big bold golden letters, just like the title.

''Rule number one: Thou shalt listen to the prayers of His followers.''

That was all Naruto could read before the decrepit text continued. Even though he could read the first rule, he couldn't get anything out of it. Was he supposed to interact with other otakus and the likes?

Naruto huffed and threw the guide on the floor. His eyes were already closing, and he had only read the first page. He'd have to continue reading tomorrow.

His thoughts wandered back to the events of today. It was strange. It didn't matter what he said, everybody would listen to him. Except that red-haired girl of course, the only sliver of defiance amongst a horde of mindless sheep. But the real question was why she had accused him of putting all the students under a spell. He had his chakra yes, but genjutsu was out of question for him. He didn't feel like blowing up the entire classroom because some teenager was being an annoyance.

Naruto could feel his brain beating in his head. He was overthinking it. Perhaps a good rest would clear up his mind.

He crawled under the blankets, huddling the warmth. He signed, a soft sound floating out of his mouth, only to disappear in the night.

There was nothing that could go wrong.

* * *

They haunted him.

It had all started when he had left the house this morning. At first it was like a whisper. He had turned around, but no one was there. He had shrugged it off, it must've been his imagination. But as he traveled further into town, more started popping up. The whispers grew louder, some turned into desperate pleas for help, and with each step he took he heard even more.

''God, can you please stop mommy and daddy from fighting?''

''God, I really need the money, grant me your blessing to find a job!''

''I beg of you God, my wife is about to leave me, please cure my erectile dysfunction!''

Those darned voices in his head.

Naruto's eyes twitched. He looked around, like a killer checking for witnesses, but no one was talking. Not to him at least.

The voices kept barraging his head. Why were they talking to him? It must've been some cruel trick, no one was talking to him, yet he could hear the requests and the begging come from all directions. All the anger, frustration, desperation leaked into his brain, chipping away at his sanity.

''Get out of my head! Get out of my head!''

Naruto started running towards his destination, ignoring the curious and weird stares the general public was throwing at him. But the faster he ran, the more information flowed into his head. With his mind distracted he couldn't even think to come up with a solution, so he kept running. And he ran, and ran.

Until he bumped into someone.

Naruto fell to the ground, and a brief second worth of pain turned out to be enough to snap him out of his haunted state. He groaned and rubbed his hip as he stood back up.

''Goddammit, why can't you just look out…''

After he had stood up, he took a good look at his roadblock. It was a teenage girl, raven-black hair and violet eyes, sitting on the ground. And she was wearing a very familiar school uniform.

''Oh shit.''

The girl let out a squeak as Naruto pulled her up from the ground faster than she could see. He almost flashed around her, dusting her off and inspecting every inch of her exposed skin.

''You're not hurt, are you?'' Naruto spoke out in a rush as he kept darting around her. ''No bruises, bleeding, broken bones? If they find out something happened to you because of me, I'll be fired the moment I walk through the school gates!''

The girl giggled. ''I'm fine. You must be our new teacher.''

Naruto halted his rather detailed inspection of the girl and composed himself. ''Yes indeed,'' he said with his head raised high, ''I am your new history teacher. And as a teacher, I must take the _best_ care of my students.''

''By literally running them over and cussing them out?''

''I helped you up so you can't judge me.''

The girl's giggles turned into a sweet symphony of laughter. ''Well then sensei, since you already happened to bump across my path, why don't we walk to school together?''

Naruto nodded, and the two of them resumed their path. This time Naruto took another good look at her. She was rather beautiful truth be told, though he pushed that thought aside. Getting fired for preying on your students would be a lot worse for his reputation than giving a student a bruise or two.

''I don't think we have met before, so how did you know I was your new teacher?'' Naruto asked as he looked at the girl from the corner of his eyes. He was exactly dressed like a teacher; with his jacket, sweatpants and flip-flops he looked like he had left his apartment without even looking at the mirror once.

''Oh, a friend of mine told me about you,'' she answered, smiling but not looking. ''She told me you were quite the… interesting individual.''

Naruto noticed something.

This girl didn't seem to be as affected by his words as the other people. She was just like the red-haired girl from yesterday.

''Tell me, your friend wouldn't happen to be this redhead bit- I mean feisty girl with attitude problems?''

Her sweet laughter rang around once again. ''Rias Gremory, president of the occult research club and one of the most popular students of our school. Don't worry, she isn't always like that. But she had her reasons to react towards you in such a fashion.''

Naruto hummed. Sounded like this Rias was quite the hotshot. ''Well if the school diva is your friend, that means you're pretty cool to those kids too, eh?''

This time the girl turned her head towards Naruto when she smiled. ''Why thank you. I'm Akeno Himejima, vice-president of the occult research club. I hope we'll have some good times together, sensei.''

Naruto was not sure how to interpret good times.

As the two of them continued their small talk, the school gates closed in on them. Once Naruto set a foot on the school grounds, the voices started again. No talk about God this time around though.

Dirty glares and vile whispers circled around Naruto and Akeno. Almost every single student looked at them, and not in a friendly way.

''What's the new teacher doing with her?''

''He's barely older than us, is he even qualified to be a teacher?''

''Himejima-san shouldn't even bother socializing with such scum.''

Naruto stopped in his tracks for a moment, earning a strange stare from Akeno. They could annoy him, sure. They could disrespect him, sure. Hell, they could even spit in his face if they wanted to.

But they'd have to do all of that straight to his face.

He turned around to deal with whichever of these brats was the closest, and as soon as he did that a bright light flashed before his eyes. Once Naruto could see again, he could not believe his eyes.

The students had all shut their mouths, and they refused to meet his gaze. He saw a couple girls run back into the main building, tears streaming down their faces, and he could swear he heard someone vomit behind the bushes.

Naruto blinked.

''That wasn't what I was planning to do.''

Even though no one would look at him, Naruto could almost see the fear rolling off the student's shaking frames. As if divine punishment had struck down upon them, they had all turned into stuttering messes in front of their lord.

Except one.

When Naruto turned back around, Akeno was still standing there like a statue. That eternal smile still carved into her face.

Naruto couldn't say he liked that smile.

''Shall we continue onwards to class, Sensei?'' Akeno asked, not even waiting for Naruto to answer as she went back on her way towards the main building.

''I guess we shall,'' Naruto said with a sigh as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. As he walked alongside Akeno, not a single whisper was muttered again, besides the ones in his head at least. The students all strayed from their path, refusing to even come close to the apparently terrifying teacher.

Naruto looked to the sky. That blue, cloudless sky. As he searched the endless ocean of blue, old memories popped into his head, pushing away the shouts and complaints that had been bothering him all day.

''Man, I wish I was a cloud.''

* * *

If there was one thing Naruto hated, it was monotony.

He couldn't stand things remaining the same. If he didn't see something move at least once in a minute worth of time, he'd have to bury his hands in his hair to suppress the urges to move himself. That's why he thought he was not fit for work in this world. Doing the same darn job every day was bound to get on his nerves at some point.

And his job as a teacher was no different now.

Naruto kicked a pebble away as he walked through the empty park, the moonlight being his only companion. His long day at work was finally over, and he felt like he was supposed to be happy. His scrunched up face said something completely different though.

''Those. Damn. Kids.''

They'd sit down. Listen. Leave for break. Repeat the process. Mindless drones who couldn't even avert their gazes from him. Was their something funny about the way he looked? Was his dress code improper? Even Rias was being more tame in comparison to yesterday's events.

''Oh well,'' Naruto sighed, ''at least those fucking voices are gone for now.''

He had noticed that the annoying complains and howls got worse as he started taking his old route back to his apartment, so he decided to walk through the park instead. Lit up by the moon, the display of greenery was captivating, yet simple. Just the way Naruto liked it. It was almost a perfect set up of romantic dates.

''Yuuma?! What are you doing?!''

As Naruto passed by a fountain, he saw quite the sight for his eyes. His face fell. There was some strange boy, dressed in that school uniform he hated so much. In front of the boy was a half-naked woman with black wings popping out of her back. Even though Naruto knew that avoiding these situations was the general guideline, he'd be screwed if the student snitched on him.

''Uh, excuse me miss…'' Naruto started, raising his hand up as he walked closer towards the scene, ''could you please stop harassing my student?''

To Naruto's surprise, the woman froze. All the bravado and bravery the woman was showing mere seconds ago was gone. Her eyes wide, her limbs shaking, her mouth open.

''It can't be…''

''Yes it can,'' Naruto replied. ''Now uh, it's not really appropriate to walk around like _that_ in the middle of a public space, so could you please leave before I call the police?''

This time he did not receive a civil response. The woman screamed and threw some weird lightning shaped object at Naruto. He sidestepped and dodged it, leaving both the woman and the student in awe. After her failure, the woman dropped down to her knees, almost smashing her head into the ground.

''Please spare me, my lord! I know I might've left his grace a long time ago, but please let me keep my life!''

It all started to come together.

Weird outfit. Black wings. Lightning bolts. Oversized mammaries.

''So you must be one of those cosplayers,'' Naruto concluded.

The woman let out some confused noise from her position at the ground, but did not consider rising up.

''Well, if you're into that stuff, I guess I can't judge,'' Naruto shrugged as he knelt down to her level. ''How about you leave now and we forget all of this happened?''

The woman nodded from the ground, and Naruto thought her head would fall off if she kept nodding so fast. ''Thank you my lord!'' the woman exclaimed as she hugged Naruto's foot. ''I'll remember this gracious favor.''

The wings on her back flapped a couple times, and she rose up to the sky. After a few seconds, she had disappeared into the midnight sky. Naruto scratched his head as he looked towards the moon.

''Damn, those otakus really got some high-tech equipment these days.''

Naruto dusted himself off before turning towards the student, who was staring at him with wide eyes. ''You alright kid?''

The student kept staring for a while, before letting out a strangely victorious howl and rushing over towards Naruto. ''Holy shit Sensei! That was awesome! I always thought the new teachers would be pushovers, but you really scared her off.''

''Yeah…'' Naruto took a quick look around, checking if there was anyone else in the park. ''Say, what was all that about?''

The student put his hand to his chin. ''That was supposed to be… my girlfriend? I don't know, she randomly approached me one day, and she had HUMONGOUS breasts, so I though this would be a great chance at a first girlfriend, you know? We went on a date and everything, all nice and dandy, and then we get over to this spot. She suddenly rips her clothes off, and she has this super kinky outfit on you know? And then-''

''Can you get to the point?''

''Oh yes. She basically tried to kill me.''

Naruto blinked. Then blinked again. The student didn't blink though, his face just as serious as when he was talking about the woman's breasts.

''Listen here, son,'' Naruto started as he put his hands on the boy's shoulders, ''those type of women are dangerous. If you wanna stay alive, generally avoid them if they start doing stuff like this or have a lot of followers on that social media stuff.''

''Roger,'' the boy said as he nodded. ''Oh, I'm Issei Hyoudo by the way. I really have to go home now, so I'll see you around at school sensei!''

The boy saluted and ran off into the night. Naruto stood there, as he took in the events of today.

There were voices begging for help.

Students obeyed his every word.

Students were absolute pricks.

Cosplayers and otakus are murderous folk.

''I'm never taking the route through this fucking park again.''

* * *

Rias never thought that she would ever see her face be the same color as her hair.

She was furious. Plans were already laid out, only to be shattered by a single factor. Something that was not even supposed to be added in the quotation.

The new history teacher.

No one had suspected anything at all. The old teacher was already an old man, so he retired. A new one would come. It was nothing to even worry about, it had happened before, why would something change? Needless to say, she was caught by surprise just like every other devil at the school when the new teacher had a gigantic holy signature.

It didn't make sense. The war was over. No faction would be stupid enough to send one of their most powerful people over into enemy territory. Was he an angel? An exorcist? Was he sent by the higher ups or did he act alone? Maybe he had actually gone rogue and was acting by his own twisting ideals?

Rias leaned back in her chair, a frown on her face. Then there was the whole thing with Issei. At much as she hated to admit it, the moment he came in contact with that fallen angel she knew he was going to die. But he had power. Potential. With that she could save herself, and him.

''I'm back.''

''Welcome back, Akeno.''

Her good friend. Her right hand. What would she do without Akeno?

''So,'' Rias leaned forward, ''did you get any additional information on him?''

Akeno shook her head. ''Now what we expected, at least. No traces of any interaction with supernatural beings at all. Just a list of a bunch of odd jobs before he came here.''

''Strange,'' Rias remarked, ''very strange. Maybe his cluelessness isn't just an act. Do you think it could be a sacred gear of sorts?''

''There's no denying he has a huge amount of holy energy,'' Akeno answered, nodding her head, 'but all I can say for sure is that he's kinda cute.''

Rias buried her face in her hands and groaned. ''We'll never get anywhere like this…''

Akeno smiled. ''You can always leave it to me.''

''Please leave the whips in the closet.''

''Such a shame.''

''Anyway,'' Rias interjected, cutting off Akeno's sadistic babbles, ''I think we only have on option left to deal with this rather complicated situation.

Akeno's eyes widened. ''You don't mean… that thing, do you?''

''I do,'' Rias answered as she stood up from her chair. She walked towards the window. The school ground were covered in the light of the setting sun. This could be the last time she'd get to see this beauty.

''We're bringing out the secret weapon.''

* * *

 _ **I kinda forgot about this story, don't blame me. Things are slowly getting into motion though, so don't worry about it. As a suffering college student my schedule is all over the place, but you guys can expect frequent updates on both this and Guardians soon.**_

 _ **Hope you guys had fun with this chapter. Let me know your thoughts and leave a review and I'll see you guys in the next chapter.**_


	3. Chapter 3

''Where's the fucking book…''

Naruto had never been one for research and planning. Things could change in a second, and if any well thought out plan could be turned upside down, why even bother making one? But he was unprepared this time around. He had no idea what was coming. First it's voices haunting him in his head, then it's weirdos chasing around his students with the intention to kill. And all of it started after Metatron asked for that strange favor.

There was something fishy about Metatron in general. Something that didn't involve his deep passion for manga and everything related with the shinobi of centuries past. His dazzling looks, the strange light that enveloped him when he left, the wings. The first time he saw Metatron do that, he didn't think much of it. He had seen people summon gigantic toads and spectral warriors through their eyes. Wings were nothing special. But when some other random woman shows the ability to do similar things, it had to be more than just some well thought out cosplay.

He fished out Metatron's manual from under one of the many piles of dirty clothes. He once again flipped through the book as he had done the night before. Before his eyes the runes started to shift and meld, forming into a new comprehensive sentence.

''Those that have strayed too far from His light can not be reached by the voice.''

Naruto threw the book towards his barely standing desk, before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. His light? Who was He? What was the point of a manual if it barely told you how to do anything at all?

''Good gracious,'' Naruto muttered to himself, ''doesn't Metatron have any superior otaku who taught him the ropes?''

A bright light that appeared behind Naruto was his answer

Naruto slowly turned around, his bed creaking along with his movement. A golden circle had appeared in the middle of his apartment. Light even brighter than the sun started to fill the entire room. Divine chanting echoed around, quiet and subdued. A figure appeared in the middle of the circle as it slowly started to fade away.

A tall man. Large blue eyes, much like Naruto's, only this man's eyes had something to them. Something somber. Long blonde hair flowed down his shoulders. Golden shoulder plates that gave him the width of three people standing next to each other. He looked around with his big, sad eyes.

''You called for me, Metatron?''

The man kept looking around until his eyes landed on Naruto, who had not moved an inch from his position on his bed. The corners of Naruto's lips twitched into a smile as he weakly raised his hand, forcing out a wave. The man frowned. It didn't make him look angry, or disappointed even. He just looked even sadder than before.

''You're not Metatron,'' the man stated. Naruto sighed as he leaned back on his bed.

''Got that right,'' Naruto muttered, leaning over to grab the manual from his desk. ''So I assume this book isn't all madness either?''

''How'd you get it?'' The man asked. There was no hostility in his tone, no demand. He didn't even look surprised by the fact that Naruto was sitting in front of him, and not Metatron.

''Metatron gave it to me.''

The man just nodded, and Naruto wasn't sure whether he was being taken seriously or not. ''So the situation _is_ that severe.''

''Before I get into contemplating all my poor life decisions,'' Naruto halted the man, '' can you explain this situation?''

The man smiled. ''I can see you're not willing to wait for a very long explanation,'' the man laughed, before sighing and taking in a deep breath. ''My name is Michael. Metatron and I are angels. Children of Heaven. Metatron holds a very important position up in Heaven, and with you possessing the book and an extremely powerful holy signature, it seems like he has passed that position on to you.''

Naruto swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded slowly. He was never doing favors for anyone. Ever again.

''Now, I do not know the reason why he gave it to you specifically,'' Michael resumed, ''not sure if I want to know… but anyway, I am very sorry to drag you into all of this, but Metatron has not told any of us that he'd be, well, leaving. If the fact that he's gone would leak out, a lot of people would be in trouble.''

''I see,'' Naruto said, ''and Metatron apparently went on some kind of _pilgrimage_ as he put it.''

''Pilgrimage?'' Michael repeated, cocking his head to the side.

''Yeah, I don't know. But for some reason, I'm getting the feeling this pilgrimage isn't much of a pilgrimage at all,'' Naruto growled. ''But Michael my guy, I made a promise, and I'm gonna keep it. Just tell me what to do and I'll get it done.''

Michael smiled again, content with the boy's attitude. ''You're a good man, Naruto.'' Michael then sighed, before walking over to the window. He looked over the quiet night that covered Kuoh in its everlasting blanket.

''Like I said, no one except the two of us and Metatron knows that you've taken the position of the Voice,'' Michael started, his tone taking on a more serious sound, ''and we need to keep it that way. Those that know you now may never know your current role as the Voice. This town already is devil's territory, and we don't want to attract even more attention than we probably already have.''

''Devils, huh? So I guess all that supernatural stuff is true?''

Michael nodded. ''You don't seem all that surprised.''

''I've seen worse.''

''Ah,'' Michael simply said, not looking away from the window. ''Well, the devils are probably already aware of you being here, so just try to be careful around them. Then there's also the… how should I put this… the more clueless beings. The ones that are not aware of the fact that you and Metatron are entirely different entities. Just keep the act up.''

''Got it chief,'' Naruto said in an affirmative fashion. ''One other thing though,'' Naruto muttered, grabbing the manual. ''What does all of this mean?''

''The manual shows its contents whenever it deems necessary,'' Michael answered, turning around to face Naruto, the smile still on his face. ''If you're asking about the current information it's showing, it means that creatures that have strayed too far from God are not affected by the powers of the voice. You might've noticed most people you meet are entranced by your speech, but devils have indulged too much in sin to be able to hear your voice properly. Of course, there are exceptions.''

That explained it. The evil looks Rias had been sending him in class were because of her hidden nature, and not because he was doing something wrong.

That was what Naruto wanted to believe, at least.

''Anyway, I'm afraid I'll have to leave now. They'll start getting suspicious if I'm gone for too long with no explanation,'' Michael said, with some remorse, as the golden circles started forming under his feet. ''Good luck, Naruto. I'm counting on you.''

The golden circle appeared under Michael's feet again, the angelic chanting echoed through the room once room, every spoken syllable sending burst of a comfortable warmth out into the apartment. The circle glowed, and Michael was gone as quickly as he came.

With Michael gone, Naruto sank back into his bed. He hoped it would swallow him, drag him off somewhere far far away, just so he could get away from this. He didn't want the responsibility of something he barely understood, but he had already wandered off too far into this abyss.

''Oh, well…'' Naruto sighed to himself. The time had crept deep into the night during his small talk with Michael, and since he had two jobs to do now, it was about time to go to sleep and get ready to face the struggles of tomorrow.

At least, that _was_ the plan.

The sudden bang on the window of his apartment ruined all the serene thoughts in Naruto's mind and certainly eliminated all the chances of sleep. He quickly rushed over to his window, hoping that it was just some kid that threw a rock or something, but to his distress, no signs of destruction. No glass laying around. No wood chipped off the windowsill. Only a lone shadow, lurking behind the curtains. Naruto gripped the curtains until his knuckles were turning white, ripping them open to reveal the unknown sight.

A figure pressed against the glass. Black wings. _Large_ assets.

Naruto figured as he opened the window that he would soon come to regret letting the familiar ''cosplayer'' in.

* * *

She sat in front of him on her knees. Hands on her lap, head up high. She stared into his eyes, maybe trying to find answers to her questions before they even talked. Compared to how he first saw her during the little encounter at the park, she was a lot more calm. Regardless of that, Naruto wished that his first encounter with the supernatural had been a bit better.

''I seek redemption.''

She was curt, quick and direct with her words. One thing that Naruto appreciated about that was that he was sure she didn't come here to waste time. She took a deep breath to prevent her gates of emotion from being flooded, and continued.

''This isn't' the life I wanted,'' she muttered, struggling to keep both the anger and sadness in her voice back. ''Yes, I can do whatever I want now. Nothing to hold me back. But this life is not real. They all told me we'd be in this together, but all I got were lies and false expectations. I want to return to the light. To the warmth. To _my family._ ''

This is where the hard part came in for Naruto. He had to pretend he understood everything she said.

''I see,'' Naruto nodded along, trying to maintain his imitation of a wise old man as best as possible, ''but the road to redemption is… very tough. Yes, very tough. Those were the exact words I was looking for. I am very well versed on this subject.''

She gave a short nod. ''As expected of you, Lord Metatron.''

''Yes. That's me. Metatron. Totally not someone else. I am Metatron.''

It was painful for Naruto to admit to himself that he was a horrible liar, but it did not seem to affect her. He guessed his newfound powers were pretty handy at some times.

''Regardless of how difficult it may be,'' she continued, as if Naruto had never said anything, ''I am willing to do whatever it takes. So please my lord, help me redeem myself!''

Naruto felt his heart sink. It was not that he didn't like helping people, he loved it. But he was only useful in these kind of situations when he actually knew what to do. She told him she wanted to escape her current life of lies and deceit, yet now he had to feed her even a bigger lie. With a heavy weight on his chest, Naruto continued his white lies for the greater good.

''Very well,'' Naruto spoke up, standing up, ''I will help you redeem yourself.'' Her face brightened up as she clasped her hands together, like her prayers had been answered. ''But there are a couple conditions.''

''I'll do anything,'' she answered without hesitation.

''Anything?''

'' _Anything.''_

* * *

He was very pleased with the fact that Raynare was a good cook. Instant ramen just didn't cut it anymore.

They had come to a simple agreement. The ''road to redemption'' would be opened for Raynare if she would make him ramen and clean his house. She had taken up temporary residence in his closet, and was not allowed to leave his apartment. It was a sort of relaxed solitary confinement, but it was for the best. He had to avoid another supernatural confrontation at all costs after his accidental meeting with Michael.

Naruto patted his belly as he leaned back in his chair. Break had just started, and the fact that he could skip out on the horrible creations that came out of the school's kitchen. Sure, what Raynare cooked was no Ichiraku ramen, but at this point anything else could serve as a replacement.

The day had gone by with a lack of strange events to Naruto's surprise. The student mass didn't seem to remember the little outburst he had yesterday which made some kids shit their pants in both a literal and figurative sense. The intense glares Rias would usually sent him had turned into occasional glances. Each time he caught her looking, her blue eyes were clouded with an emotion he could not understand. Curiosity? Suppressed anger? Or was it just a devil playing tricks on him?

He hadn't talked to Akeno since yesterday either. He had run into her a couple times while roaming the halls, but they had only brushed past each other as he nodded at her and she flashed him her signature smile.

That darn smile.

There was something devilish about it in its own right. Every Akeno's lips curled up, he could not tell whether she was sending a message of kindness or one of impending doom his way.

''Excuse me.''

Naruto turned his head towards the door as it opened. A familiar boy walked in.

''What's up, Uzumaki-sensei?'' Issei smiled, as he walked into the room, He dragged a chair away from one of the desks and sat down in front of Naruto.

''What do you want?'' Naruto asked, looking out of the window instead of looking at Issei. ''You'd be better off enjoying your lunch while you can. If you came to complain about that girl harassing you last night, take it up to the police, not me.''

''Oh, I didn't come here to complain!'' Issei hurriedly replied, hoping to get a hold of Naruto's attention. Naruto turned his gaze towards Issei, and the moment Issei knew Naruto was listening, his mood dropped.

''Well, at least you remember…'' Issei muttered, sighing afterwards.

Naruto's brow furrowed. ''Remember? What do you mean?''

Issei rubbed his hands together, his knees shaking lightly. ''You know, since Yuuma was my first real date, I had to tell all my friends about it right? Well, Matsuda and Motohama are my only friends here, but that doesn't' really matter. Anyway, when I went up to tell them about what happened last night, they said they didn't remember Yuuma at all and looked at me like I was spouting some crazy shit!'' At this point, Issei had stood up from his chair, waving his arms around, ''It's almost like… like… someone cast a spell on them!''

Naruto looked up at the ceiling. ''A spell, huh…''

Raynare was a legitimate angel, no doubt about it. Had she erased the memories of Issei's friends before she came over to his house? But if she had done that, why would she not erase Issei's memories as well? Perhaps there was more into play.

''Listen up, Issei,'' Naruto started as he stood up, brushing himself off, ''I know what's going on is all weird and stuff, but I need you take lean back and relax. Forget about it. Don't stress it.''

'''But how can I forget, sensei?'' Issei said in a low tone, 'How can I forget when she tried to kill me?''

''Don't worry about it,'' Naruto replied, putting a hand on the boys shoulder. ''She was just really immersed in her roleplaying, there are some people like that. Now if you'd excuse me, I have some teacher stuff to do. Very important teacher stuff.''

''Oh but sensei, I have another request.''

Naruto sighed. ''What is it now?''

Issei's crestfallen expression morphed itself into a grin. A very lecherous grin. With that, Naruto dared to come with conclusion that every student in this school was insane.

* * *

''Do I really have to do this?''

''Come on, sensei! We've already gotten this far!''

Naruto had no idea how he was talked into this. He thought that maybe the power of divine words could help him out, but no matter how many times he told Issei to leave, the boy stood his ground, unmoved by holy power. Thus that led to Issei dragging Naruto away from the school and into the heart of Kuoh.

''Okay, we're finally here.''

The two of them stopped in an alley, hidden from view. It was calm on the streets of Kuoh, most of the people were still at work or at school. Though it seemed that even with the lack of people, they had to be careful with this operation.

''Look over there, Sensei,'' Issei whispered as he pointed at a rather suspicious building a fair distance away from them. The windows were darkened, posters of half-naked anime girls littered the outsides of the building, and a neon sign with the letters ''XXX"' hung above the entrance.

''So lemme get this straight,'' Naruto whispered back, averting his eyes from the building and looking back at Issei, ''you want me to get in there, that despicable place, buy some shitty hentai game and give it to you?''

''It's not just any game!'' Issei could barely contain his voice, ''It's the brand new release of Soyo-Chan's Lewd Adventures! Limited edition! This is the pinnacle of eroge, sensei. I simply cannot let this chance pass!''

Before Issei could babble on about his porn, Naruto gripped him tightly by his collar. ''Are you insane?! I'm already risking my job by going out with you during school hours, and now you want me to look like the lowest scum of society?!''

''Please, sensei! If I was older, I would've gone into that store myself. And if you don't do it for me, then…''

Issei grabbed Naruto as well, but by his shoulder. He squeezed them tight, like two brothers in arms embracing after battle.

'' _Do it for Soyo-Chan.''_

''I don't care about Soyo-Chan.''

''Damn it sensei, please-''

''Fine!'' Naruto exclaimed as he pushed Issei away, ''I'll get your stupid game. You go back to school, I don't want to get any more problems if they figure out you're late because of me.''

Issei looked as if he was on the verge of tears. He saluted, his face twitching as he tried to hold back his gates of emotion. ''I'll never forget this, I'm forever in your debt,'' Issei managed to stutter out, before he turned around and dashed back to the school.

Naruto sighed. The sooner this was over, the better.

He stepped out of the comforting shadows of the alley and marched towards the shop. His eyes darted around the street, hoping there would be no one that he knew walking around. Yes, he could use the voice, but after Michael's words he had been carefully watching his actions, to make sure not to attracted any unwanted attention.

Naruto walked into the store. A faint, sweet smell lingered around the establishment. For a place that was supposed to be the enclave for perverts, it sure was clean. Games, magazines, ''toys''; everything was lined up neatly.

The hard part was over, all that was left was to look for the game, buy it, and leave.

It didn't take long to trace down the product. Colorful banners with another naked anime girl adorned a corner of the shop. To Naruto's surprise, only one copy of the game was left. He let out a sigh of relief, he for sure would have been pissed if he found out that he walked into this place for nothing.

But he had celebrated far too soon.

As Naruto moved to grab the game, another person waltzed in front of him. He only caught a glimpse of black shaggy hair and a red coat before the figure disappeared.

Along with the game.

Naruto cursed, he could've sworn there were no other customers in the shop when he entered. But he had gone too far in now, it was too late to give up. Naruto dashed out of the store. He managed to spot the man disappearing behind a few buildings. With a quick pace, Naruto followed suit. Never had he figured he would go so far for some porn.

He managed to stay on track of the man, but something was off. He had already passed by some of these buildings. Corners and alleys repeated themselves. And yet the man with the red coat was always a step out of his reach.

After what felt like hours of chasing, they both reached a dead end. Naruto stood a safe distance away from the man, who had his back turned towards him.

''So it has come to this, huh…'' the man muttered, laughing at the sky.

''There's no hard feelings here,'' Naruto replied, surprising himself with his serious tone, ''hand over the game and we'll both be on our ways.''

''How funny,'' the man replied, ''you've never been one to take the easy way out. What's more surprising is that a man of your stature would indulge in the pleasures of human flesh. How you managed to avoid falling when you entered that building is a mystery that's even beyond me. This is one thing I'm not willing to lose.''

Naruto narrowed his eyes. ''Look, I have no idea-''

''No idea?'' the man cut Naruto off, ''don't play dumb with me. We were brothers. We still are. Don't you remember the battle we fought all those years ago. It was not about your kind. It was not about my kind. It was not about the devils. It was about our survival as individuals. To be able to continue pursuing our needs and desires, we clashed swords. I fell for this. The bountiful curves. Luscious lips. The feeling of soft skin as it brushes against mine. For beings like us, a couple years pass by in the blink of an eye. But waiting for this felt like an eternity. And for this cause alone, I am willing to clash swords with you once again!''

The man turned around, and as he did twelve black wings popped out of his back.

''Cause I, Azazel, will be the one to take Soyo-Chan's virginity!

* * *

 **I apologize for the long wait. Like I said, I'm a bit busy lately. We've got some interesting developments with this chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed it.**

 **One thing I wanted to say for a while is that this story will have an adventure aspect to it as well. Unfortunately this site does not allow you to assign more than two genres to your story, so think of this as a humor/adventure/romance fix. The humor is still the main focus, but their will be some serious bits as well.**

 **The doc manager fucked up as well, so if you saw some spazzed out text in this chapter, just refresh it and it should be fixed.**

 **I had a lot of fun writing this chapter (especially the last part), and I hope you guys had fun reading this too. Let me know what you think and leave a review and I'll see you guys in chapter 4.**


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto had fought many battles in his life.

He had fought battles to grow stronger. He had fought battles to protect. He had fought battles for whatever. But when he fought, he had always thought there was some kind of purpose behind beating the shit out of people like he did. That there was a reason for blood to be spilled.

It explained why he wasn't as enthusiastic about fighting some deranged old man over a hentai game.

Azazel, as the man had announced himself, was quick on his feet. At first Naruto had hoped his black wings would've been some technological advancement from the otaku industry, but he was soon proven wrong by the complete functionality of Azazel's wings as the man soared through the sky. The fact that he was also throwing bolts of light every waking second proved that — just like Raynare — he was the real deal. A real angel.

How long had passed? Five minutes? Ten minutes? An endless cycle of Azazel flying up and down and throwing magic around, Naruto retaliating by trying to close the distance but changing his mind at the last second. He could very well blow this entire part of town up, but Michael's foreboding warnings loomed over his head. He already was a troublemaker, but he didn't want to get into actual trouble this time.

''Has sitting on the clouds made you slow, Metatron?'' Azazel shouted, taunting Naruto as he continued to fly around, and Naruto reacted once again by dodging his attacks without breaking a sweat.

''For fuck's sake, I'm not Meta-''

''Too slow!''

Azazel charged, a giant light bolt in one hand and the game in the other. As Azazel inched closer and closer, Naruto came to the conclusion that he had two options.

He could dodge like had been doing the whole time, continue jumping around with Azazel and hope he would realize that he was not fighting Metatron. They would have a civil and nice conversation, exchange phone numbers, and Naruto would pay three hundred yen to buy the game off Azazel. Azazel would give it to him with a smile, Naruto would give the game to Issei and expel his ass so he would never be seen around these parts again, and all would be good in Kuoh.

Or he could shove a good old Rasengan straight into Azazel, possibly destroying him, the game, and the surrounding area, risking the attraction of a lot of unwanted attention.

The latter seemed a lot more appealing.

A sense of nostalgia washed over Naruto as the familiar ball of chakra formed in his hand. It felt even better when he smashed it straight into Azazel, flinging the man into a wall.

It was then that Naruto noticed, that he had not actually hit Azazel.

''SOYO-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!''

The game flew up in the air, its ''beautiful'' cover now replaced by a spiral shaped hole. Shards of the disc sprinkled around the area, and as Azazel hit the wall, the now ruined game fell onto the ground, like an angel falling from the heavens. Barely anything remained from what was once the eroge, and Azazel's hollow look as he watched the pieces sprinkle around might've been priceless to Naruto, but anyone else would've seen the look of a man who just had his heart ripped out, spat on and then crushed.

''Well,'' Naruto sighed, dusting his hands off, ''guess I'll have to tell Issei that they were sold out.''

''You…'' Azazel choked back a sob, as he leaned back against the wall. ''You… monster! What did Soyo-chan ever do to you?! Her innocence is now tattered by your vile behaviour! Her bountiful breasts, her luscious buttocks, I will never get to witness them in ultra high definition now! I'll never forgive you, Meta-''

Azazel stood up, throwing his glare at ''Metatron'', fully intent on starting a brawl again in order to extract his revenge. The glare was soon replaced as his brows furrowed together and confusion dawned upon his face.

''You're… not Metatron.''

''Oh look, someone else noticed,'' Naruto remarked, not bothering to look at Azazel, who was still staring at him. Naruto went over to the destroyed game, fiddled around with it a bit, shrugged, and stuffed it away in his jacket. Azazel kept staring the whole time, seemingly unable to say anything. ''I've been trying to tell you the whole time, but noooo. Soyo-chan this, Soyo-chan that. You people are crazy, I swear…''

''How is this possible,'' Azazel muttered, ''you have the same energy him. You even sound like him. And yet, you're not him...''

''Long story short, I'm a placeholder,'' Naruto answered, turning around to leave. ''Now if you'd excuse me, I have somewhere to be.''

''Hold it.''

Oh boy.

Azazel had recovered surprisingly fast, and somehow had managed to get behind Naruto within the blink of an eye. His hand gripped Naruto's shoulder, not hard enough to be threatening but not loose enough to let him go.

Naruto turned his head around to look at Azazel. "Whadda you want?"

Azazel's lips morphed into a smirk. "You know there would be a lot of trouble if people found out about this, right?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to blackmail me? You know I could shove that thing I used on your precious Soyo-chan up your ass as well."

A gleam of sorrow and tragedy shone in Azazel's eyes at the mention of Soyo-chan, though his smugness did not seem to falter. ''Oh, I'm certainly not trying to blackmail you. I have more of a… _proposal_ , so to say. Something that could help us out both. Your identity stays a secret, and some of my goals can be accomplished.''

Azazel had a point. Naruto had been causing a ruckus wherever he went and the problems seemed to be stacking up one by one. Having someone who would help him out beyond the scope of cooking ramen and cleaning his room would keep some of the weight of his shoulders, and would definitely help him avoid the wrath of heaven if they were to find out about his little secret.

With a sigh of defeat, Naruto gave in. ''Fine. What's your grand plan, old pervert?''

''First of all,'' Azazel started, ''I'm not a mere _pervert_ as you so amateurishly put it.'' Azazel then flashed him a large grin and struck a pose. ''I'm a super pervert!''

This time it was Naruto's turn to be stricken by grief.

''Secondly, we're both men with many problems it seems,'' Azazel started as he then crept up besides Naruto and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, all signs of hostility and anger having disappeared in a flash. ''You see, not only am I a curator of the most exquisite of lewds, I am also an engineer, scientist and… entrepreneur. I have many activities I partake in, many in which I could also appreciate a hand in,'' Azazel voice turned to more of a hushed tone, as if he was about to share a secret that would break reality, ''now you see, not-Metatron, this area is stock-full of the supernatural. Opposing forces, really. I think that if you help me with achieving some of my goals, and I help you keep your identity a secret, there is only profit to be had.''

Naruto's eyes narrowed at how Azazel's attitude changed so quickly, and at the fact that he was getting a little bit _too_ close. ''You know, seeing as you just tried to shove a bolt of fucking pure light through my body over a hentai game of all things, I'm not sure if we're on cooperating terms here,'' Naruto argued. Azazel simply pursed his lips and nodded.

''You raise a very fair point. But that's all in the past now, right? The past in this case might be a mere five minutes ago, but still, we've grown, we've matured, we're different people now. Surely a grudge will not stand between us?'' Azazel said with a smile, as he practically started dragging Naruto along with him, his arm still slung around his shoulders.

''Alright, I'll bite,'' Naruto spoke slowly, following Azazel, ''so how do we kick this off?''

''Well, I suggest a proper introduction is first in place,'' Azazel said, ''I am Azazel, leader of a fallen angel faction called the Grigori, avid inventor and connoisseur of women.''

''Naruto Uzumaki,'' Naruto said, slightly hesitant, ''history teacher at Kuoh High and apparently Metatron's replacement. For the time being.''

''Oh, so your disguise is a mere history teacher,'' Azazel cooed, ''how interesting. And Metatron's replacement… How did you even find yourself in such a position?''

Naruto turned his head towards Azazel, and looked straight into the fallen angel's violet eyes.

''Honestly? All by fucking accident.''

Azazel chuckled. ''Very, very interesting. Being the Voice of God must be a rather strenuous task.''

''You know anything more about it?''

''Well, of course. I used to be a regular angel at some point,'' Azazel said, ''I know a fair bit about the internal workings of Heaven. Metatron's job was to be a bridge between God and the ones who believed in him. All prayers would go to Metatron, and he would answer if necessary.''

That would explain all the voices, Naruto thought. The idea of people literally praying to him was rather jarring, and perhaps a bit terrifying. Was he now supposed to go by every single christian and answer them like he was some religious Santa Claus?

''And then you also have a job as a teacher on top of that,'' Azazel muttered, ''how's that going for you?''

''Oh, that's pretty chill,'' Naruto put his hands behind his head in a casual matter, ''it's pretty easy because of the, well you know, whole Voice of God thing. My classes start again at around one o'clock though…''

''So you mean in about three minutes?''

Naruto stopped in his steps, almost like he had pressed the brakes on a car. He glanced at Azazel with some unidentifiable emotion in his eyes, and then turned his gaze towards the sky. The oh so beautiful sky.

''Fuck.''

* * *

He had made it in time. In fact, he didn't even have to worry that much. It constantly slipped Naruto's mind that with a single word he would be excused. He still hadn't gotten used to this whole ''voice of god'' thing, and he sure as hell hadn't realized how much of a responsibility it was that he carried.

He had quickly located Issei before he went to class, and had dropped off the remains of the game in front of his feet. The look on Issei's face had been even more soulless than the one Azazel had when Naruto shoved a Rasengan straight into the game box.

It was worth it.

So now he was ready to tackle another lesson in a subject he had no knowledge about. Oh well, at least the class wouldn't mind, since they were practically hanging on his lips anyway.

Except Rias.

She had been playing ''nicely'', pretending she was paying attention to his classes, like nothing was going on. He knew that she was still highly suspicious of him, which was fair, but he didn't exactly have a way to convince her not to bother him. It seemed that with each day, more people seemed to make it more troublesome for him to keep up with his fake identity, and if it would continue like this he'd be driving into a corner like a small rabbit being hunted by a pack of wolves. At least she hadn't confronted him again like she had on his first day as a teacher. With almost everyone else in school being mindless sheep that fell for his divine words, having someone that went against his weird powers was honestly quite refreshing.

Naruto went over to the classroom door with a whistle, carrying his poorly prepared materials for this lesson under his arm. He shoved the door open and stepped in with an air of confidence around him.

''Alright class, everyone get to your seats-''

Naruto stopped in the doorway, and it wasn't as rowdy as he would have expected it to be. Mainly because there was no one in the classroom.

''Uh, hello?'' Naruto called out as he slowly made his way over to his desk, a bit cautiously. ''If this is a prank you guys can come out now. Hm, or maybe they decided to collectively skip class… but that would be to strange.''

''It would be nothing like that, Uzumaki-sensei.''

He heard the door shut rather loudly. Naruto turned around and was greeted by the sight of a boy who he was sure of was not in this class. He seemed to be a bit younger than the kids he was teaching, perhaps a second year student? Naruto could've sworn he had seen the boy before though, probably when wandering through the hallways of the school building. This time however there were no signs of a wild horde of girls accompanying him.

''Can I help you with something?'' Naruto questioned. ''I don't think you're my student, and as you can see,'' Naruto said as he waved his hand around, gesturing towards the empty classroom, ''there's no class going on right now.''

The boy smiled, but Naruto could tell there was more hiding under that friendly guise. Why did everyone feel like pulling a Sai on him? The boy didn't seem to be responding to the powers of his voice either, so he had to be one of the more special individuals lurking around.

''That's right,'' the boy answered in a friendly matter, ''I'm the one who made sure that there'd be no class. We wouldn't want anyone to get in the way, now would we?''

The boy started walking forward, very slowly at that, making sure to put emphasis on every step. Naruto chuckled awkwardly. It didn't look like this student was here for a counselling session or anything like that. Not that he'd give a counselling session anyway.

''There's been a lot of threats rising up in our territory lately,'' the boy started, still walking towards Naruto, ''first some rowdy fallen angels, then a stray exorcist, and now some heavenly envoy. We're rather inexperienced with these kind of situations, you know? However, I've been instructed by my king to take care of you specifically.''

The boy stopped walking, and extended his hand in the air. A faint image appeared above the boy, and then in a flash of light, a rather impressive looking sword conjured itself in the boy's hand. He waved it around a few times, trying to get a feel for it. He then proceeded to point it straight at Naruto, who was only a short distance out of cutting distance.

''Now let's not jump to conclusions,'' Naruto said as he made a calming motion with his hands, ''clearly you've been playing too much Final Fantasy. Swords are dangerous, y'know? You wouldn't want any horrifying accident to happen to an innocent bystander like myself while you're swinging around your blade, pretending you're an anime protagonist?''

Naruto felt like he was making a very valid point. The boy didn't seem to be convinced though, and his smile turned into a frown. ''Are you mocking me? Or are you just playing dumb? All the evidence points towards you. The mass amounts of holy energy, the weird enchantment cast on the students, that explosion nearby that occured mere minutes ago…''

Thanks Azazel.

''I don't know what you are or what your purpose is,'' the boy growled, ''but you're a threat. An opposing force. First we'll take care of you, and then we'll swoop in to defeat those fallen angels who are causing a ruckus and tried to kill Issei…''

Ah yes. He happened to be housing one of those fallen angels at his house, using her as a ramen chef. How convenient.

''I'll let you know my name, so you know how who finished you…''

''Oh, _how cliché_ ,'' Naruto muttered as the boy grabbed his sword with both of his hand, and got into position to strike.

''Yuuto Kiba, Knight of Rias Gremory, will be your judge, jury and executioner!''

Naruto's head cocked in surprise. Did Rias really send a hitman after him? He had expected that the red-headed devil would try something, but not to this degree. This couldn't possibly be right.

''Objection!'' Naruto shouted, pointing straight at Yuuto as he was charging at Naruto. Yuuto yelped in surprise at the sudden warcry and almost fell back, stumbling as he lost his momentum. Naruto smirked and shaked his head, as he was brushing off Yuuto's notion of attacking. ''All your bravado is nice and all, but you lack any _decisive evidence._ ''

Yuuto blinked multiple times in response. ''D-decisive evidence?!'' he spluttered, completely caught off guard by Naruto's sudden declaration.

Naruto slammed his hand on the nearby desk very loudly, and Yuuto almost jumped at the loud noise. ''I want proof, Yuuto, proof! You can say that I have holy energy and that I brainwash students and whatever, but those are all baseless accusations! There's nothing a single piece of evidence that proves that I'm responsible for these things!'' Naruto shouted.

''I-I'm not obliged to show you anything like that!'' Yuuto stammered back. ''You're a trespasser from the opposite faction, I have all the reason to make sure you don't continue your heinous activities!''

It started storming outside. Rain clattered down from the sky and lightning raced through the air. Yuuto could only stare with wide eyes as the weather outside changed as Naruto took on a more confident attitude. Naruto laughed in a boisterous manner, as if he had already won. Yuuto was not sure if the sound he was hearing was Naruto's laughter, or the thunder of the storm.

''Yuuto, Yuuto,'' Naruto said, shaking his head, ''are you saying you don't even know what you're accusing me of? What are all these heinous activities I have committed?''

The windows of the classroom broke open, and a rush of wind flowed through the room. It was like a bolt of electricity ran through his chest. Yuuto winced. Was he being put on the spot? But Naruto had to be an enemy! He was so convinced a moment ago, he couldn't bear to watch his argument crumble before his eyes like this.

''Ah, so you have nothing,'' Naruto proclaimed smugly. His voice was now booming through the area. Furniture in the classroom start moving around, paper were being blown away by the wind. ''So are you gonna admit that you were just acting on impulse?''

''No…'' Yuuto whispered. He stumbled back, his sword shaking in his hand. All he could hear was Naruto's voice echoing through his brain. That thunderous voice. It was like he was being judged. Like he was about to be sentenced to something rather unpleasant.

''Are you going to admit that you've been throwing empty accusations around?''

Yuuto's knees were wobbling. His vision was getting blurry. All sound around him was distorted, except that thundering voice. Was he a fool for doing this alone? Maybe he should've actually asked Rias before he undertook any action? He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep up, he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep bluffing. Was this what it felt like? Was this what _being roasted was like?_

'' ** _Are you going to admit that you're nothing but a fraud?''_**

''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''

Yuuto wobbled around on his feet as he cried out, before he fainted straight on the spot. The storm outside disappeared in an instant. Naruto just looked around in surprise, only now witnessing the chaos that he very well could have caused. He waltzed over to Yuuto, knelt down next to him and checked his pulse. He seemed to be all alive and dandy. Naruto stood up and rubbed his chin, seemingly deep in thought.

''You think I might have overdone it?''

* * *

Naruto enjoyed having company over. He didn't know many people, and it was a rare occasion for someone to come over and just sit down and hang out with him. Safe to say, didn't expect a full entourage of fallen angels to be waiting for him when he'd come back home.

He was standing in the doorway, watching the display in front of him. Raynare, along with three new companions, was kneeling on the floor of his apartment. Naruto didn't want to think about how long they'd have been sitting there, just waiting for him. The new additions were — as Naruto would describe — a man with a fedora, a woman with _a lot_ of cleavage and a goth loli. They were sitting alongside Raynare with grim looks on their face, as serious as they would most likely be able to get.

''Welcome home, Lord Metatron,'' they all greeted in choir. Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. When he asks for less problems, only more come knocking at his door. Literally.

''What's the meaning of this?'' Naruto asked. The other fallen present all simultaneously glanced towards Raynare, who in turn cleared her throat. It seemed like she had taken the role of representative for this group of vagabonds.

''These are all my comrades,'' Raynare introduced her fellowship, ''this is Dohnaseek, this is Kalawarner and that is Mittelt. They too have come to their senses and wish to follow along the path of redemption,'' Raynare explained.

Naruto cursed inwardly. Sure, he could lead one person on and convince them that he could help them out with their holy and unholy affairs, but what about four people? He didn't even have enough space in his closet for all of them!

'"Well, you all uh, realize the path to redemption is a very difficult and challenging journey to undertake right?'' Naruto said to the fallen, taking on a bit more of a serious persona.

''We do understand that, milord,'' the man named Dohnaseek responded, ''but we are set on proving that we are worthy of returning to the sacred grounds of Heaven. Whatever the cost might be,'' he said, with conviction burning in his eyes. The other fallen nodded alongside him with just as much determination.

''We are ready to put our lives on the line,'' Kalawarner said.

''We'll take anything you'll throw at us,'' Mittelt added.

Naruto hummed. They looked so determined that the thought Naruto would have to disappoint them bothered him. But if he just told them to get the hell out of his house, they would no doubt persist. He had to keep this fallen bunch busy somehow.

''Very well,'' Naruto said as he nodded, ''then I am going to inform you on your very first task that will lead you towards redemption.''

Which he was going to make up on the spot.

The fallen nodded at a quick pace and looked at him attentively. Naruto leaned over closer to them, as if he was going to pass on a secret that no one else could know about.

''You,'' Naruto started, ''are going to hunt something.''

The fallen nodded slowly. ''Hunt… what?'' they all asked, whispering.

''You guys are going to hunt… a snake.''

God, why'd he have to think of snakes? He hated snakes!

''It's a very _big_ snake,'' Naruto continued, ''a snake with… eight heads!''

The fallen all gasped for a moment before returning back to their attentive selves, as if they were kids listening to their father telling a story. Surely, Naruto thought, an eight headed snake wouldn't be that much out of the ordinary for angels of all things.

''This snake is a very evil and dark creature, and we as the holiest of holiest will have to rid the world of such darkness. The snake is located somewhere here… in this country. Hunting it down is the objective of your first trial. I'll give you a few days to prepare,'' Naruto declared.

Raynare clapped her hands together. ''Finally, I get to prove my skills beyond cooking ramen!'' she exclaimed. The other females cheered along with her, while Dohnaseek looked mildly disturbed at her statement.

''Cooking… ramen?''

''Anyway, that is all you need to know. Make sure to rest well and prepare yourself properly. I'll be taking care of some of my own business now, so please don't disturb me,'' Naruto said seriously, before he walked to the corner of the room, quietly snickering to himself.

He truly was a genius. That plan would keep them busy until the end of time if he called for it. The search for the mythical eight headed snake would take care of the fallen bothering him. But then there was still Rias and her gang of devils, who undoubtedly were going to bother him again, and Azazel, who was undoubtedly up to some shady business. Still, he had to take care of these problems, or at least get himself out of harm's way. And he only knew of one way that could help him accomplish that.

He'd have to find Metatron and drag him back to his post as soon as possible.

* * *

 **Ya boi is back on track. I apologise for my long absence, my life's been pretty chaotic the last few months, and I've come back to writing mostly as a little escape from all of it. I hope you guys will be enjoying all the new stuff I'll be putting out, since I am going to attempt to be back on a frequent update schedule.**

 **So essentially, Naruto is now going to try and locate Metatron while still maintaining the guise of the voice of God. Now we all know that's not going to be as easy as it sounds. The next couple chapters are still gonna go on regularly canon wise, from the DxD crew's perspective at least, but Naruto will be up to some different stuff. After that you guys can expect a pretty large divergence from canon, as I do not enjoy writing stories that are basically the source material but just with a new character inserted.**

 **Some of you might be wondering about the romance aspect, and you might be starting to notice developments in that aspect soon. The comedy and adventurous hijinks are still the core of this story, but I want the romance to develop realistically alongside with those aspects.**

 **Anyway, if you guys are enjoying the story, please follow and favorite and leave a review with your thoughts. I also want to thank everyone who already did that for the previous chapters, you guys have really encouraged me to come back to writing. I wish you guys a good day and I'll see you in chapter 5!**


	5. Chapter 5

Rias Gremory was concerned.

Fallen angels were roaming about her territory, preying on Sacred Gears. Her newest pawn was proving to be quite the handful. And then there was Naruto Uzumaki, their newest ''history teacher''.

She hadn't trusted him from the start. How could she? First a gang of fallen, and then a massive holy presence waltzes into the school. She had all the reasons to be on guard and suspect him. But with every passing day, finding something to accuse him of became more difficult and difficult. The thought that he was actually not a threat crept up even more and more in the back of her head. It was enough to keep her awake at night.

They had later contacted Issei, and despite the fact that Naruto had saved him, her suspicions remained. After explaining the circumstances, Issei had willingly joined her peerage officially. It started to look like Naruto, as mysterious as he might be, had no ulterior motives at all. Perhaps it was wise to drop the issue and let things play out by themselves, Rias wondered.

Then Yuuto came to the club meeting.

The poor boy was pale, as if all blood had been sucked out of him. His knees wobbled and his arms shook as he walked over to Rias's desk, and the rest of the club simply looked on with wide eyes as Yuuto stumbled upon his knees. He looked up at Rias, eyes wide open, devoid of any emotions.

''Uzu...maki,'' Yuuto breathed out, and Rias shot up from her chair.

''What?!'' she shouted, running over to Yuuto.''Did Naruto do this to you?'' she inquired.

Yuuto nodded stiffly. Issei clenched his fist as he looked at Yuuto's rather broken state.

''Damn that man,'' Issei cursed, ''first Soyo-chan and now Kiba, when will his atrocities be put to a stop?!'' Issei turned towards Rias with fire burning in his eyes. ''Prez! We have to do something about this!''

Rias was about to agree, but then Yuuto's arm suddenly shot forward, grabbing a tight hold of Issei's leg.

''Don't…!'' Yuuto hissed, sending a dark look towards Issei.

''Y-yuuto?'' Rias stuttered, surprised at his sudden outburst.

Yuuto chuckled, a hollow and lifeless sound that sent a shiver down Rias's spine. ''You don't know what he's capable of. At first, he wasn't intent on confronting me. But I was _a fool. I went in against him._ ''

''You're talking crazy talk,'' Issei muttered, ''and can you let go of my leg please?''

Yuuto's grip only tightened.

''You don't know how it feels,'' Yuuto whispered, ''how it feels like your existence is pointless. Like walking this earth is a curse in itself. THE CORE OF MY ENTIRE BEING HAS BEEN TORN DOWN TO SHREDS!'' he shouted as he broke down in tears, sobbing onto the floor.

Rias could only stare at Yuuto's pitiful state. This had to be some kind of joke, she thought to herself. But the sight of her headstrong Knight bawling his eyes out while crawling over the ground like a newborn brought her back into reality. If Naruto was capable of doing such a thing, would it still be wise to attempt and confront him?

''My oh my President,'' Akeno said, sliding up behind Rias, ''we surely can't let this go, can we?''

''We can't,'' Rias muttered. She folded her hands together and stared down at her desk, eyes clouded in thought. ''If he's capable of doing such a thing to Yuuto, I'm not sure if any of us can handle him. Still, we can't let such a dangerous individual wander through our territory without knowing this little about him,'' Rias concluded.

Rias shivered as Akeno placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Akeno's _tendencies_ could be felt in her touch, as the girl's sweet laughter rang throughout the room. ''Don't worry about a thing, President. I'll take things from here.''

''Akeno,'' Rias stuttered, surprised by how willing her Queen was to take the initiative, ''are you sure about this? Maybe we should make this more of a joint effort? I wouldn't want anyone else to end up like… wel…'' Rias dwelled off as she made an awkward gesture towards Yuuto, who was still bawling and rolling over the floor.

''I have my methods. You know that,'' Akeno insisted. She placed a hand on her cheek, and giggled. Rias gulped. Akeno was _serious_ about this. ''Give me a week or two. Three weeks in the worst case scenario. I'll break him, and I'll have the truth and his holy energy spilled,'' Akeno cooed, her eyes wandering off to gaze into the distance. From that point on Rias could only wonder what wicked thoughts went through Akeno's head.

''Okay team,'' Rias turned to address the rest of the peerage, ''Akeno will be taking the lead in regards to the Naruto problem now. That doesn't mean we can all slack off though. Keep up with your training, forrge new contracts and if anything related to Naruto pops up around, you're allowed to investigate, but make sure to not get yourself in any trouble. Am I clear?''

''Uh, President,'' Issei raised his hand weakly, and Rias nodded for him to go on. ''What are we going to do about Kiba?''

Every member of the peerage stared down at Yuuto. He had calmed down — at least that was what it seemed like — as he wallowed in a small puddle created by his own tears. Said puddle had also ruined Issei's shoes, as Yuuto had chosen to take up residence on the floor right next to Issei. Rias was not sure whether Issei was concerned for her Knight or whether he just didn't want to get wet anymore.

We'll get him treated. Somehow,'' Rias said, mumbling the last part. ''Anyway, it's been a long and exhausting day for all of us. Make sure to rest up properly. Dismissed.''

Most of the peerage left, with Issei being forced to drag Kiba out. Now only Rias and Akeno were left, just the two of them, basking in the sunlight of the setting sun that invaded through the windows.

''Are you sure about this?'' Rias asked, staring at Akeno. ''You're the last person I would want to get hurt.''

''Come on Rias,'' Akeno reassured her King with a smile. ''I'm not that same sensitive girl I was when I had just joined you, I can handle myself.'' She brushed her ponytail back with a flair of elegance. ''They don't call me one of the great ladies of Kuoh Academy for nothing.''

All Rias could do was sigh and close her eyes.

''If you say so.''

* * *

'' _So in part two of the story, her breasts had actually grown TWICE as big due to the influence of the magical potion-''_

''Azazel, I didn't know this business agreement involved you telling me the details of all the hentai games you've ever played. How did you even get my phone number?!''

Another day of life, another day of supernatural complications.

The problems were just coming and going ever since Naruto had obtained Metatron's powers. He was now on his way to work, clutching his books in one hand and holding his phone in the other. There were no voices bombarding his brain, no boys rushing out to attack him with swords and the fallen angels were out town too, so his first thought had been that he finally got some well deserved peace. Then, out of nowhere, his phone rang, and before Naruto realized what was going on, he was already listening to stories about breast enlargement and clitoris piercings.

'' _Well you're no fun, I was even getting to the good part.''_ Naruto could almost feel Azazel pouting on the other side of the connection, and it wasn't a very pleasant thought. _''Trust me though, sharing the wonders of the two dimensional breasts wasn't the only reason I called you.''_

''It better be good,'' Naruto growled as he made his way through the busy morning streets of Kuoh, ''I think I might die if I hear you say one more thing about breasts…''

'' _You see, to solve this little issue we have to prioritize two things. Make sure the whole thing about you taking Metatron's place doesn't leak out, and we need to locate Metatron as quickly as possible.''_

''That makes sense,'' Naruto said, nodding. ''But you didn't call me to just tell me that, right?''

'' _I didn't. Lately with you getting involved with all the things around this place, your holy energy has been flaring up. I can only do so much damage control, so that's bound to attract unwanted attention at some point, considering you're using the powers of one of the big boy angels.''_

''I figured. But I met up with the big chief Michael a few days ago, and he's gonna try to help me out too from his side,'' Naruto mentioned. He had not heard a single thing from Michael since their brief encounter, but it was safe to assume that the head Archangel was trying his best.

Naruto heard Azazel breathe a sigh of relief. _''That's good. If Michael is taking care of things from his side, we have a bit more leeway. Still, we should be careful. Then there's the whole thing about finding Metatron. The majority of his holy powers have been transferred to you, so his energy signature is pretty much the same now as of a regular angel. With no idea where to look either, saying that finding him is gonna be a pain in the ass would be an understatement.''_

Naruto stared up at the sky. Metatron did mention something about pursuing his dream, and that this could be his only chance to make it a reality. Still, it didn't really amount to anything. Not a single detail about this so called dream was known.

''Can you look into it?'' Naruto asked. ''You probably know more about Metatron than I do, all I know is that he's just some weird otaku. I'll try to keep things on the down low here.''

Azazel hummed. _''I'm on it already. I'll contact you once I got some more info.''_

''You got it chief,'' Naruto said, before hanging up. He let out a sigh, hoping that all his troubles would leave him with the air he exhaled. Too think things could only go downhill from here, the thought alone made Naruto shiver.

''Please God, save me!''

A stinging sensation shot through Naruto's head. He dropped his books and clutched his head in pain. ''Damn it, not now…'' Naruto muttered, countless emotions flowing into him. He felt despair, loneliness. The painful feelings made Naruto's knees shake. He had learned that if the sensation was this overbearing, the person who was praying had to be close. Naruto glanced at his wristwatch, and his face paled when he realized he would only make it to his first class if he rushed.

''Ah, fuck it all.''

He turned on his feet, and changed course, letting the emotions he felt from the prayer guide him. A few streets later, the feeling seemed to be at its strongest. Ironically, it looked like the source of it all was an abandoned church.

''Please God, I don't want to go through this. I'm all alone here, I'm going to get hurt, you're the only one who can help me…''

''Yeah, yeah. I'm on my way,'' Naruto managed to mumble through gritted teeth, the negativity becoming almost too much to bear. He shoved the door open, and came across quite the scene.

A priest was standing over a young girl. The girl's clothes were torn, and tears trickled down her face. The priest seemed to be having the time of his life however, he laughed and twitched. They both turned their heads once Naruto entered. The priest's gleeful look changed to one of confusion, as he cocked his head to the side.

''Who the fuck are you?''

Naruto shook his head as he clicked his tongue in a disapproving fashion. ''I knew what they were saying about catholic priests was true. Let go off the girl, freakshow.''

The priest chuckled, licking his lips. ''Y'know, I really don't like it when people come and interrupt my fun time,'' the priest said as he reached for his pocket, ''and because you happened to interrupt my fun time, I'm gonna blow your filthy fucking ass into tiny little fucking pieces! AMEN!''

The priest's laughter echoed throughout the empty church as he fired off the gun without any hesitation. The girl screamed, as she was fully aware that her rescuer could die any moment. For Naruto however, it seemed like time had slowed down, as he watched the rain of bullets come closer to him in slow motion.

'' _ **No.''**_

The bullets that were about to hit Naruto straight in the head crumbled to dust, along with the gun in the priest's hands. The priest's eyes went wide, his hands trembling because of the loss of his only weapon.

''What the fuck?'' the priest stammered. ''T-this wasn't supposed to happen! What the fuck are you, you whisker-faced cunt?!''

'' _ **You're gonna pay, you crazy bastard.''**_

''W-what's happening to me?'' The priest's eyes rolled around, as if he was unable to control them. Pitiful noises escaped his mouth, and his arms helplessly flailed around. The priest's entire body started shaking, before fully erupting into a wave of spams. His eyes rolled back in his head as the sound of Naruto's booming voice enraptured his mind. After almost a whole minute of trembling, the priest collapsed on the ground. Naruto coughed and started massaging his sore throat.

''Damn, that took a lot more outta me than I expected,'' Naruto muttered to himself, before turning his attention to the girl. ''Sorry ya had to see all that, usually it looks less, what's the word, brutal,'' Naruto apologized as she approached the girl. All she could do was stare with her glimmering blue eyes.

''Are you an angel?'' she asked, making Naruto erupt in a coughing fit.

''A-angel?! What are you talking about?'' Naruto laughed awkwardly. ''I just happened to walk by, and noticed something was wrong! Yeah, that's totally what happened. Anyway, what's your name?''

''Asia Argento,'' the girl muttered, still looking like she was in a daze.

''Asia, huh. That's a nice name.'' Naruto smiled. ''So you got anywhere you can go? A relative I should call? Maybe the police?''

''I have nowhere to go,'' Asia whispered, ''but if I stay, I'm afraid someone else will come after me.''

Naruto ran a hand through his hair. That was a big issue. He couldn't just let her figure things out on her own, but he couldn't waste the entire day trying to find a place for her either.

''Alright, how about this. I have some stuff to do first, but I'm gonna come back for you, okay? Don't worry, I'll take care of the maniac on my way out,'' Naruto suggested. He saw worry and doubt well up in the girl's eyes, so he decided to show her his brightest grin. ''Don't worry, I don't go back on my word.''

Any traces of doubt in the girl's eyes seemed to melt away like snow under the sun. She nodded quietly. Naruto stood up, patted her on the head, and walked away, grabbing the priest along with him. He didn't notice that the girl stared at him all the way up until he had left the church.

Yes, things got more troublesome by the day.

* * *

Akeno was a woman on a mission.

Partly, she had taken up this task out of her concern for Rias. Rias was not only the leader of their little group, but also her closest friend, like a sister almost. To see her have to burden all the things continuously thrown at her broke Akeno's heart, and she wouldn't let her King carry all that weight alone. The other part was not so much out of loyalty and love for Rias, but more out of her own interests.

Naruto was an enigma. From the day he showed up at Kuoh Academy, strange things had been happening. And no one seemed to pay it any heed, except their little gang of supernatural beings. All the other students seemed entranced with him, even the rowdiest of delinquents would pay exquisite amounts of attention to him. Of course, there was such a thing as normal charisma, but this went far beyond that.

Akeno couldn't deny that she was being affected by it herself too.

Every word he spoke, every syllable he uttered — it was all like a magical chant being weaved together. She, along with many others, could listen to Naruto speak for hours, maybe even days on end. And she wouldn't grow tired of it, not even one bit. That was exactly why she had to do this. She wanted to find out herself what exactly made Naruto so enthralling.

She had left the school grounds not too long ago. Naruto had not been present for his class today, so here she'd have to wait for her plans to come to fruition. But how would she go about it? How would she make him tell her the truth? She couldn't force it out of him, or she would end up like Yuuto. She put a finger on her chin, and pondered.

Then, as if fate itself had manifested, she saw him. Naruto was walking across the street, books under his arm. His eyes flopped around the street lazily, he almost seemed a bit exhausted for whatever reason. Now this was a chance she couldn't miss.

''Naruto-sensei~''

Akeno rushed over to him, and he turned towards her, looking surprised. ''Akeno? Aren't you supposed to be in class?''

Of course he would start with such questions. She wasn't going to let him get to her. ''Classes ended early for me today. But what about you, sensei? I thought you'd be at school today,'' Akeno asked, her question accompanied by her trademark smile.

''Oh, yeah. Uh, I got a pretty bad headache on my way to school, so I decided it'd be best to go back home,'' Naruto replied, scratching the back of his head.

Why was a feeling of concern brewing in her chest? It was just a headache. Why was she even worried in the first place. It was just that each time he spoke, she couldn't help but care.

''I'm so lucky I ran into you though, there was actually something I wanted to ask you,'' Akeno said as she started to follow Naruto, who had resumed walking.

What was she saying?! She wasn't going to ask him anything! She couldn't ask him about Yuuto, or his holy energy, or why every time he said something she was bound to listen.

''Is that so? What's up?''

''I…''

She tried her best to prevent anything stupid from coming out of her mouth.

''Have been having some trouble with my history classes.''

That was perhaps the most stupid thing she could've said.

''Yeah, I'm generally a good student, but history is the only subject I'm lacking in. Since you're a history teacher, I was wondering whether you could help me out,'' Akeno said without the slightest bit of hesitation.

But why?! She didn't even have any problems with history! Why would she bring that up? Why she ask such a thing?

What was this man doing to her?

''Uh, sure thing. I can tutor you sometime, if that's what ya want,'' Naruto said with a smile. ''I guess I'll see you around at school.''

He waved at her, and all she could do was stand there, weakly waving back. She stood there for a while, watching Naruto disappear among the crowd.

She had barely even begun the battle, but she was already losing it.

* * *

A wave of relief washed over Naruto. Finally, he got some time for himself. He would gather his thoughts at his apartment, pick up that Asia girl and enjoy what little free time he would have while the fallen angels were gone.

He stepped into the hallway, and took his shoes off. He rarely acknowledged it, but he actually quite loved his little place. It was pretty much his only real safe haven now, so he made sure to keep it neat and tidy. The place looked like a palace in comparison to his old apartment in Konoha. The only similarity was that the only thing in the fridge was still cup ramen.

Naruto stretched his limbs out as he walked into the hallway. For some reason, his feet felt a bit wet. Maybe he had gotten a bit sweaty? His feet seemed to get gradually wetter and wetter, and a pungent smell rose up in the air. Only after Naruto looked down, he realized his floor was covered in a liquid. Red liquid.

Blood.

''Oh no…''

Naruto crept forward, his fists raised and chakra pumped. He prayed that this was just a sick joke, and that there hadn't actually been a murder inside of his house. He turned the corner, ready to jump any enemy present. His heart skipped a bit when he saw the cause of the blood flowed around his apartment.

Eight, big snake heads were stacked up in his living room, taking up maybe the entire space. The fallen angels stood next to the heads, trying their best to scoop up the blood. They turned around when Naruto entered, and quickly fell onto their knees.

''The angel redemption squad has returned, Lord Metatron!'' they all shouted in choir.

''...What…''

''We have successfully completed your first trial,'' Raynare proudly announced with her chest held up high. ''It was a tough battle, but we managed to bring down the eight headed snake.''

''We even brought the heads with us as proof,'' Dohnaseek said with a confident smirk.

Mittelt huffed. ''It wasn't that much of a challenge anyway.''

''We eagerly await the next trial.'' Kalawarner nodded with a smile on her face.

No, no, no.

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. This couldn't be happening. The snake thing had been just a joke, a myth he had made up on the spot, but yet here they were, standing around the damn heads of the damn thing. He had to come up with something. Something just as strange, maybe even weirder. Something that would keep them away for sure.

''Very well,'' Naruto coughed in his hand and assumed his more authority like voice, ''it seems you have managed to overcome the first trial. However, the next one will be even more dangerous.''

Once more, the fallen leaned forward, hanging onto Naruto's every word. Naruto almost staggered back. These guys were so intent on turning their wings white again, it was almost scary.

''You are going to bring me something…''

The fallen stared, trembling with anticipation.

''A nine tailed fox!''

The fallen gasped, their eyes wide in shock.

''It's a legendary creature, sought after by many. Deliver it to me, and it shall represent the purity of your redemption!'' Naruto proclaimed. He was really starting to sound like a broken record.

''A nine tailed fox?'' Raynare muttered.

''I think I might have an idea where to look…'' Dohnaseek mumbled.

As the fallen came together for their new strategy meeting, Naruto's phone rang. With a frown on his face, he picked up the call. ''Hello?''

'' _Naruto, it's me.''_

Naruto sighed, and quickly looked back to see if the other fallen were still paying attention. ''Look Azazel, I'm in a bit of a tight spot right now, call me back later,'' Naruto whispered, making sure no one else had heard him.

'' _It's kinda urgent, Naruto,''_ Azazel said, in a surprisingly serious tone.

''I'm not gonna listen to you talk about tits for another twenty minutes.''

'' _I'm… in trouble right now.''_

''Trouble?'' Naruto repeated. ''What do you mean, trouble?''

'' _...I'm being held hostage right now.''_

''...''

'' _Naruto? Can you still hear me?''_

''I'm hanging up.''

'' _Wait, Naruto! Just hear me out for a sec! Naru-''_

 _Beep. Beep._

In that moment, all Naruto could do was collapse on the bloody couch, as the fallen enthusiastically discussed their plans in the background.

''Fuck.''

* * *

 **It's good to be back. As you may or may not know, I've been having trouble with saving my chapters, so I lost a lot of content. Regardless, I'm back on track now. Since I've got multiple stories up, do let me know if you have any preference to see one more frequently updated than the others.**

 **The plot is going to start picking up from here, so expect more antics and craziness. With every person Naruto meets, things get a lot more crazy basically. Is Azazel even really being kept hostage? Are the fallen gonna see through Naruto's tricks? Find out soon. Maybe. Maybe not.**

 **I lost this chapter multiple times, and it originally had more in it, but I could not find the energy to rewrite everything. I will try to make the upcoming chapters compensate for that.**

 **Next chapter will have Asia joining Naruto, Naruto checking on Azazel and a lot more crazy things going down, so you guys will have something to look forward to. Leave me a review with your thoughts, and I hope you guys have a wonderful day. See you in chapter 6!**


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